embarrassing parents

We've all been embarrassed by our parents at one point or another, it's natural. You know what I'm talking about... the dropping you off at the movies and yelling "I love you, sweetie!" with the windows down in front of your friends or the over-enthusiastic soccer mom running down the sideline with you as you attempt to score a goal. Little things like that. But, unfortunately, my parents take public humiliation a few (million) steps further. Honestly, if there was a "You Are The Single Most Embarrassing Set of Parents A Kid Could Have" Award, they would win it, hands down, kick your parents' ass.

To understand the humiliation my five siblings and I go through EVERY DAY of our lives, you'll have to know a little somethin' somethin' about my mother. Prepare yourselves.

Meet Laura. The first word that comes to mind when I think of her? PSYCHO. She's psychotic. Like, for real. Love you to death but you're actually insane.
For one, she refers to herself as "Mamarazzi." This is because she is a dictionary of useless celebrity gossip due to the fact that she reads Us Weekly and perezhilton.com. Does she own a pair of teal & pink sneakers with 'Mamarazzi' written on the side? You bet your ass she does. "OH MY GOD, KARA, DID YOU HEAR ABOUT MILEY CYRUS AND NICK JONAS?!" No, Mom, and for the love of God listen to yourself.

Other fun facts: My mother is super loud, outrageous, thinks she's 25, listens to Ke$ha, always calls me to tell me what's "in style", and I'm pretty sure my friends like her better than me. No big deal.
She is constantly on a quest to embarrass her six children. Whether that be by submitting a yearbook ad of my brother in a Snow White costume or working as the "Crossing guard lady" (bright orange vest included) at my elementary school, she has a 100 percent success rate when it come to humiliation. I mean it; NOBODY can mortify their kids better than my mom.

(Lucky me.)

My dad, on the other hand, is embarrassing in a different way. I remember he tried to make me a long jump champion when I was on my middle school track team. He would show up to track practice every morning, and after a while just pronounced himself "Long Jump Coach." I'm pretty sure that's illegal. But it happened. Thanks for the help, Dad, I got last at County Championships.
Dad also likes to drink. And he gets very sweaty. Let us not forget Memorial Day 2009, drunk, sweaty dad on stage singing "Twist and Shout" with a Beatles Impersonation Band. And yes, he nailed the high notes.

I'd have to say that my most embarrassing memory occurred on my 18th birthday. The day started off normally; woke up, opened a present or two, ate some breakfast and went to school. It wasn't until after second period that I noticed some people shooting me strange looks and smiles in the hallway. Chalking it up to "people are weird", I didn't think anything of it... until i noticed that everyone was wearing something on their shirt. I caught up to a friend of mine and turned her around. Sure enough, the entire senior class was wearing a large circular pin with a picture of me in a cowboy hat that read "I'm 18 today!" Ironic, because I could feel myself turn 18 shades of red. But not only that, my mother had hung up poster board collages of me in my DIAPERS all over the school. It's kind of an uncomfortable feeling knowing that strangers are wearing your face on their shirts and viewing your 2-year-old nipples. I don't recommend it.

The pins + the posters + my mom showing up at lunch with balloons and a cake and making the entire cafeteria sing me Happy Birthday = QUITE a memorable day.

Kevin, Kelsey, Kylie, Kassidy, Kendall and I have lived through so many mortifying experiences like this first hand. Many of them have made us want to kill ourselves (or our mom). But I have to admit, Laura is an evil genius.

Will I put my own kids through this insensitive form of torture that has scarred me for life, you ask? HELL. YES.