Kassidy

Today is Kassidy Leigh Cook's 16th birthday, which just blows my mind. I still see the fifth Cook as a rambunctious, hyper-active, obnoxious little nine-year-old, so it's definitely frightening for me to think that she's legally eligible to drive a vehicle. Beware, greater Houston area.

When I think back to Kassidy's childhood, one word describes her best: ANNOYING. That girl was the loudest child in the history of man. Put it this way, if a freight train had relations with a blender and their offspring impregnated a leaf blower, Kassidy would beat the thing in a volume contest... with her speaking voice.
My parents always talked about getting her hearing checked but, for some reason, they never find it necessary to take us to the doctor. What is that about? Seriously, I think I've been to the doctor's office a total of three times in my life and one time was because I needed surgery on my thumb. We probably all have malaria or some version of polio because there's no way in hell we've gotten all our shots. But, that's irrelevant. Point being: Kassidy was so loud and annoying. She would ask a million questions a minute without ever taking a breath or blinking an eye. And these weren't normal questions. No, Kassidy didn't ask why the sky was blue or where babies come from (unfortunately, I think she knew about sex at age 3. That's what happens when you have 4 older siblings that make you watch Titanic). Kassidy instead focussed on two topics: KIDNAPPERS and TERRORISTS. Why she obsessed over terrorists is fairly obvious (damn you, bin Laden) but how she got the notion in her head that she'd one day be kidnapped is beyond me. "Do you think that man is a kidnapper or a terrorist?" was a frequently asked question by poor, wide-eyed little Kass. She'd always ask what I thought "The Terrorists" were doing right now as if they were a pack of traveling Arabs wearing matching leather jackets and plotting the fall of America. Actually, that's probably not too far off. Ten years later, you can still see traces of her paranoia as she won't go to the bathroom alone in public places for fear of being kidnapped. Okay, weirdo.

Kassidy was without a doubt the most adorable child I've ever seen. Every picture of her from ages 2 to 7 is just so darling; her big brown eyes, her long, thick lashes, and her contagious smile made her the most gorgeous toddler in the world. But BOY did that girl have an awkward stage. (Cue the mullet.) What didn't help is that she had the worst fashion sense of anyone in our family. She absolutely REFUSED to be caught dead in a dress or anything girly, frilly, or, God forbid, pink. Her hideous wardrobe consisted of a variety of "Bobby Jack" attire in brown, dark brown, light brown, forest green, darker forest green, and camo hues. To those of you that are unaware of the Bobby Jack brand, congratulations, I wish I were too. Every piece of Bobby Jack clothing has a damn monkey eating a banana or swinging on a branch embroidered on it, and Kassidy went crazy for that shit. I don't know what it is about monkeys, but she's always had some strange platonic bond with the hairy primates. When Ka was about 7, we went to the zoo and she kept talking about the monkeys all freaking day. At the end of our zoo visit, we stopped by the monkey exhibit where Kassidy proceeded to speak in some sort of prehistoric-caveman-ape language to these creatures. No joke, she literally had full on conversations. The mokeys went apeshit (pun intended) over Kassidy, jumping up and down like Kassidy was freakin' King Kong, and it was at that point that I realized my mother most definitely had an affair with Tarzan in the mid '90s.


The crazy thing about Kassidy is she is so purely talented at everything. She excels at all things athletically and academically, and I honestly believe there is nothing she can't do. One day she just did a back flip out of nowhere. I was like, what the hell was that? She's never taken of day of gymnastics in her life and she just did a back flip? But that's Kassidy for ya. She was an all-star soccer player, could pick up a tennis ball and serve it perfectly, is fast as hell, and is an incredible diver, traveling the world and setting her sights on the 2012 Olympics. Not to mention she has a killer 6-pack. She works so hard, and I would say she devotes all of her energy to making the Olympics, but that can't be true because she still comes home from practice everyday with enough energy to light up a room and make everyone laugh. In a time where girls don't know who they are and wear high heels and makeup at age 14, Kassidy has stayed true to herself and doesn't change who she is for anyone. I love you, Ka, and I'm so proud of you. Happy birthday!